It’s official

I have Asperger’s. Finally. The appointment I’ve been waiting for for months now rolled around.

It was with some trepidation, I went. My experiences with psychiatrists and psychologists  have been bland at best. Really poor at worst. I’d heard good things about this guy, but as we all know: just because one person has good chemistry with a given psych, it doesn’t mean everyone will. But he was good. He was a big man, very tall, and since I’m rather short that would have been intimidating if he had not been so calm. Completely at peace with himself and his surroundings, he just radiated calm.  I felt immediately at ease – I never tried that before in such a setting.

He started by reading aloud what my job-counsellor (I have one due to unemployment and receiving benefits), who sent me to him, had written. Asked me for comments for some of the things. And then he got to the part where my job-counsellor had written that I suspected Asperger’s due to symptoms I had observed. What symptoms are those? He asked. And I just started from one end.

We talked for a long time. I noticed how he at some point asked clarifying questions to make sure, it wasn’t bipolar disorder, I had. We hadn’t even covered my whole list of symptoms when he asked about my background, parents, family, etc. but that apparently didn’t matter. After two hours of quite intense talking (my brain is totally busted now) he concluded that yes, Asperger’s is what I have. Two hours from he met me till he agreed that my diagnosis was correct. TWO HOURS! I had feared this would be several harrowing appointments before he’d hand out a diagnosis. But nope, he just covered certain topics, went a little in-depth with some of my observations, clarified some things, and finally decided that I had it right from the start.

I had heard good things about him – it was all deserved. Chemistry never really played much of a role. He was so professional; slightly distanced and without that unnerving “aw, poor you”-sympathy-face some psychs employ to make patients relax. Nope. None of that. It was factual, relaxed, awesome.

I’d recommend him to everyone if I could – but heh, being as I’m in Denmark and most of my readership is not. Well…probably not much use for any of you.

And now I can start working on moving on with my life. I can apply for the help I need, I am now – with an official diagnosis – entitled to several kinds of help and support, and it is such an immense relief. I feel like I’ve grown 3 inches and lost 20 pounds, the relief is felt that tangibly.

Wow.

I kinda already knew it. I mean I can read diagnostics criteria, and I can read/watch people with Asperger’s talk/write about their lives and I can recognise so much. It was rather a duh-thing for me, why didn’t anyone ever notice? But my goodness it is nice to know for sure (or as sure as you can be in this field). It’s nice to know, that it’s not just me, who’s being a hypochondriac, it’s nice to be able to say to people, I have this diagnosis, so THEY don’t think I’m a hypochondriac. I feel validated and vindicated.

And I feel like gloating. I was right all along, and that does rather make me want to go “Hah! I rock!”. I’m also pretty sure that with this, I shall be absolutely bullet-proof all Superman-like for the rest of the day.

Finally my life can move forward rather than stagnate.